"Increased activity in the Galactic Center continues. Galactic Light Forces have removed last remnants of the quantum signature of a huge quantum fluctuation Dyson sphere, 4 light years in diameter, that was encircling our Solar System and was hindering the Ascension process of our Solar System."
Think it can't get goofier? - how about:
"This quantum Dyson sphere was a very advanced quantum hyperdimensional portal that was created by the Chimera group in 1996 and is now completely gone forever.
As a result of this, our Sun has joined the Galactic network of Light as the last star to be joined in that network, and is now a fully functional Light portal."
And...there is even a countdown clock to some special "key to freedom meditation" - you certainly don't want to be late for that, right?
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